It was my wedding night; the first time I would be intimate with a man. My head was a blur of images, of dreams and desires from the many conversations with my close friends and the pornographic videos I had watched.
I entered the room, holding a customary glass of milk, keeping my face down. It was all very traditional, just as I had imagined.
In my fantasy, I entered our room and my husband embraced me tightly, smothered me with kisses and passionately made love all night. In reality, he had fallen asleep before I came in.
#HerChoice is a series of true life-stories of 12 Indian women. These accounts challenge and broaden the idea of the “modern Indian woman” – her life choices, aspirations, priorities and desires.
During my college days and at my workplace, I saw many girls and boys striking deep friendships. They’d rest their head on their partner’s dating sites in usa shoulder, walk past holding hands and I’d feel jealous of them.
I had a big family of four brothers, one sister and older parents, yet I felt alone all the time.
All my siblings were ilies. Sometimes I wondered if they even cared that I was getting old and remained single.
Do men hate fat women? Is my weight the reason for my family not being able to find me a match for marriage? Would I remain single forever? Would I ever lose my virginity? The questions jostled in my mind all the time.
100 Women: I divorced my husband because he couldn’t satisfy me
During our engagement, I shared all my feelings with him but he didn’t pay attention nor respond. He seemed to be nervous and would sit quietly, eyes facing the ground and merely shake his head. [Read more…]
